


Dear Diary

by Spike_1790



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Diary/Journal, Humor, Implied Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-12 05:37:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spike_1790/pseuds/Spike_1790
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike fills in Angel’s diary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> This is Spike/Xander, with implied Spike/Angel.

Dear Diary,

Today I brooded a lot. Brooding is my favourite hobby apart from buying more of my nancy boy hair gel and saving puppies. But today I was brooding for a special reason. My amazingly sexy childe and his lover visited me and my group of Angel’s Avengers and the two of them made out in the lobby of the hotel. I was ~~insanely jealous~~ pissed off, and in a fit of rage, ~~prompted by said jealousy,~~ I threw a bottle at the wall. I didn’t realise at the time, but it was a bottle of the very important and very expensive potion that Willow had Spike and Xander deliver in person. The worst part is that it smashed on the wall and dripped onto Cordelia’s brand new coat. She will be making me pay for the dry cleaning.

The day got ~~so much better~~ even worse when I realised that the sun had risen and Spike and Xander would have to stay in the hotel until sunset. I was forced to listen with ~~interest and arousal~~ disgust as they shagged like bunnies in the bedroom next to mine. Spike has always been a screamer, but I never let him make noise when _we_ screwed because it took too much concentration. I don’t have enough brain power to focus on having sex _and_ listening to what he’s saying (it’s the real reason I can’t get laid. Its a choice between aimless thrusting or prodding around hopelessly and praying i'm touching the right places; can't manage to do both at once!). But Xander it seems does have the ability to ‘go harder’ and ‘rub your thumb over the head, yeah, just like that, oh fuck yeah’ at the same time.

Then I ~~had a wank~~ masturbated but pretended that I hadn’t, even though I knew damn well that Spike would be able to smell it with his vamp senses. But I spent half an hour fixing my hair afterwards to make me feel less guilty. I know that if I lust after another man’s boyfriend that I will never get my redemption and I will never have the relationship I dream of with ~~Slutty~~ Buffy.

When I had fixed my hair, I had a mug of blood. But when I saw Spike riding Xander on one of the couches in the lobby, I ended up doing a spit-take and now I have blood all down my poofy clothes and all over the floor. It was ~~bloody hilarious~~ a tragedy.  Cordelia made me clean up the spilt blood. I looked adorable in those bright yellow rubber gloves. Xander took a picture to show the Scoobies. I’m sure Buffy will love it. It will be put in a frame next to her bed, but Spike will find it and move it to the living room, so everyone can laugh at it all the time.

Well, anyway, after all that drama, I had to brood some more. And I brooded so much, so far away from anyone that could distract me, that I didn’t notice Spike and Xander switching my hair gel for super glue. ~~Have fun with that one, mate.~~ Then I did some more brooding until the sun set and Spike and Xander could leave. It was about half an hour after that that I realised Spike had written my diary for me and that all my Barry Manilow records have somehow been smashed beyond recognition. I cried like a baby.

I’ll always love you, diary. You’re my only friend,

 ~~The Poof.~~ Angel.

P.S. Me and Xan used all your lube up. And we may or may not have refilled the bottle with superglue. Have fun working out whether we did or not.


End file.
